A large part of our adoption journey centers around pregnancy loss. We have had three. The first was four years ago before Rocket Baby, an undetected molar pregnancy I carried for eighteen weeks. The second was just this past October, we found out at fifteen weeks that Angel Baby passed at twelve weeks. The most recent was Baby O.
I knew something was off, but I was also convinced that it wouldn't be serious. Or maybe it would be serious, but not life threateningly serious. Maybe amniotic bands (which a friend in the baby wearing community is dealing with, though for now all looks good), or maybe our baby would have needed a surgery after being born or would have just come early. I was a bit scared I would end up in the hospital trying to hold onto our baby just long enough for survival, but I really wasn't overly concerned.
I had called my ob the Friday before we went camping with friends, our first camping trip as a family of three. I had been cramping and was a touch concerned. My ob was out but my previous ob said it sounded like dehydration and drinking would help, which it did. I didn't even bother telling my husband the ob told me to take it easy because I didn't want to ruin our first camping trip, which thankfully isn't relevant to Baby O's loss. Camping was fun, I was enjoying it and Rocket Baby was thrilled to have endless outdoor time, but the cramping continued. It got worse when I moved around too much and eventually I started spotting. Trevor and one of our dear friends assured me everything would be alright and I just took it easy and relied on Trevor to help chase Rocket.
We ended up leaving early because the spotting wasn't stopping and whenever I moved the cramping got worse. I honestly wasn't expecting bad news. I wasn't expecting to have our world rocked for the third time in our near seven years of marriage. You just cannot be prepared to hear your child, your sweet baby you've felt moving inside of you no longer has life. When it takes a trained ultrasound technician longer then a few seconds to find a heartbeat, nerves take over. At a certain point, I just knew. Trevor knew. He saw them use the thermal portion of the machine. He saw that our baby had no color.
We aren't exactly sure when Baby O passed, but based on his weight it was likely between sixteen and eighteen weeks. I had just heard his heartbeat four weeks prior. Losing a baby at twenty weeks is rough. I want to be vulnerable with everyone and share our experience for the sake of understanding our decision to adopt, but there is something so devastatingly special about his birth, I'm not sure I can share it with anyone that isn't family and since they have yet to hear the details, now five weeks later, I don't think it's fair to share it here with the world. I don't know if I'll ever share it, it means to much to me.
We knew at the beginning of this pregnancy we weren't going to do it again. Baby O was meant to be our second miracle baby, as we now realize what a true miracle Rocket Baby is. His feisty spirit likely helped him survive to birth. We also knew that adoption was always on our radar. We both wanted at least four kids (although I will always push for five+) and we knew we wanted to add kids that weren't created from us, but were created for us.
Today I made our appointment to attend a Foster To Adopt orientation. I'm scared, I'm anxious, but I'm so excited. We both are. Scared because it's still a possibility a foster to adopt baby would be taken away. Anxious because we are so ready to expand our family and love another child, and excited at the possibilities of it all. We did look at private adoption agencies with plans on fundraising and accepting donations, but the costs were so daunting I was getting discouraged.
Private adoption agencies seem less risky then foster to adopt. It seems less likely that a birth mother will change her mind. Talking to some of my friends helped me realize that no matter what, there will be risks, and foster to adopt is truly where my heart has been all along. So we are taking a giant leap of faith and following our hearts and hoping for the best.
In the meantime we are still going to be fundraising and taking donations. We are planning a garage sale in the coming weeks and also have a GoFundMe set up to reach our Foster To Adopt goal of $4000. If we raise more then the amount needed for this adoption, we will save it for future adoptions. If we choose to keep our family a family of four, any extra funds will be donated to other families to help them expand their own families.
My relationship with God is hanging by a thread, but I'm holding on. I'm holding onto His promises and I'm believing He truly cares about our desire to grow our family. Somewhere a child is being designed for us. A birth mother is making tough decisions. She will chose to trust us to love her child because she loves her child enough to let them go. My heart is already so in love with this unknown baby. So bursting with joy at what the future holds for all of us. We have been chosen to join a throng of people lucky enough to be entrusted with a child they did not birth, and I'm honored to enter into this community.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
A For Adventure - Adventures In Adoption
I figured now was as good a time as any to dust off the ol' blog. As much as I love writing, I just haven't had the time, patience, or resources to do so. A lot has happened since my last post. My husband and I have lost two pregnancies. One at 15 weeks in October 2012, and one more recently at 20 weeks, just a few weeks ago. In total we have three children, although two we wont get to hold until we meet again in Heaven.
This blog is now going to serve a bigger purpose. To keep those interested in our adoption process in the loop. We have no plans on ever trying to have kids of our own again. We feel strongly that God is pulling us in the direction of adoption, to what capacity we are unsure of. But we're ready. We've been ready. Although our faith is on shaky ground, we are once again choosing to trust God's plans for our lives. We are choosing to believe that our heartache will serve a divine purpose. We are choosing to believe that we will have more children.
Adoption has always been on our radar, although I do admit it was a distant plan. Now everything is so real. Research is happening and plans are being made. I don't think I've ever requested more information on any particular topic in my life. And all the information out there is so overwhelming, but exciting at the same time. Things are getting real around here and we will anxiously await the arrival of our new little one.
This blog is now going to serve a bigger purpose. To keep those interested in our adoption process in the loop. We have no plans on ever trying to have kids of our own again. We feel strongly that God is pulling us in the direction of adoption, to what capacity we are unsure of. But we're ready. We've been ready. Although our faith is on shaky ground, we are once again choosing to trust God's plans for our lives. We are choosing to believe that our heartache will serve a divine purpose. We are choosing to believe that we will have more children.
Adoption has always been on our radar, although I do admit it was a distant plan. Now everything is so real. Research is happening and plans are being made. I don't think I've ever requested more information on any particular topic in my life. And all the information out there is so overwhelming, but exciting at the same time. Things are getting real around here and we will anxiously await the arrival of our new little one.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Rocket Baby's 3 Part Tutorial On Preventing Mom From Cleaning
Important lessons on keeping your toys all over the place. Because having them put away is inconvenient to our plots for mass destruction.
1) get ridiculously upset when she starts picking up blocks. So upset that it irritates your already sore throat and you break out into a nasty coughing fit. The added sympathy of being sick works well in your favor.
2) escalade from just generally being upset to full blown crocodile tears. At this point the sore throat has now caused you to become raspy/lose your voice. Put on your most pathetic face and get ready for the final step.
3) decide you need to nurse for 30minutes. It's also imperative you don't bother your mom too much or she will threaten to take your milk away. Apparently being repeatedly smacked in the face makes her cranky.
Congratulations. You have now wasted an hour of her time.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
1) get ridiculously upset when she starts picking up blocks. So upset that it irritates your already sore throat and you break out into a nasty coughing fit. The added sympathy of being sick works well in your favor.
2) escalade from just generally being upset to full blown crocodile tears. At this point the sore throat has now caused you to become raspy/lose your voice. Put on your most pathetic face and get ready for the final step.
3) decide you need to nurse for 30minutes. It's also imperative you don't bother your mom too much or she will threaten to take your milk away. Apparently being repeatedly smacked in the face makes her cranky.
Congratulations. You have now wasted an hour of her time.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Sneaky Treats - Rocket Chocolate Hummus
I can't be the only parent dealing with an extremely picky eater. I vaguely remember when Rocket Baby would eat anything we put in front of him, now he rarely strays from his (limited) favorites.
In a sneaky attempt to get better nutrients in him, I have been adding veggies, chia seeds, or hemp to his foods. It's worked for the most part, but even my best green smoothie recipes are currently failing.
I'm pulling out all the stops. Insert Rocket Chocolate Hummus. In all honesty I was convinced I created a brand new recipe until google crushed my dreams. In any regard I did create this recipe on my own, without any outside resources.
In all of its delicious glory, it can be used for just about anything! Today we used it as a fruit dip. It's the consistency of pudding and I must say I'm excited to try it with a little dairy free whipped cream! It can also easily be spread on toast or make yourself a nut butter and Rocket Chocolate Hummus sandwich! I promise it won't disappoint.
You will need ^^^ these ingredients and a food processor, I used my Ninja Food Prep.
*drain and rinse 1 can of garbanzo beans, dry, and place in food processor
*add 1/2 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder
*add 1/3 cup of pure maple syrup
*add 1TBS of chia seeds
*add 1tsp of vanilla extract
*add a splash of coconut milk (add in more until you get a desired consistency with blending).
*blend and serve, store in refrigerator.
It's that easy! It took me 3 minutes to make this and it really is a tasty treat. Hope your little ones (and you!) enjoy.
In a sneaky attempt to get better nutrients in him, I have been adding veggies, chia seeds, or hemp to his foods. It's worked for the most part, but even my best green smoothie recipes are currently failing.
I'm pulling out all the stops. Insert Rocket Chocolate Hummus. In all honesty I was convinced I created a brand new recipe until google crushed my dreams. In any regard I did create this recipe on my own, without any outside resources.
In all of its delicious glory, it can be used for just about anything! Today we used it as a fruit dip. It's the consistency of pudding and I must say I'm excited to try it with a little dairy free whipped cream! It can also easily be spread on toast or make yourself a nut butter and Rocket Chocolate Hummus sandwich! I promise it won't disappoint.
You will need ^^^ these ingredients and a food processor, I used my Ninja Food Prep.
*drain and rinse 1 can of garbanzo beans, dry, and place in food processor
*add 1/2 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder
*add 1/3 cup of pure maple syrup
*add 1TBS of chia seeds
*add 1tsp of vanilla extract
*add a splash of coconut milk (add in more until you get a desired consistency with blending).
*blend and serve, store in refrigerator.
It's that easy! It took me 3 minutes to make this and it really is a tasty treat. Hope your little ones (and you!) enjoy.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Rocket Baby Fashion
Our Darling Rocket has been getting a lot of compliments on his infinity scarf, so I figured I'd write a quick post with a link to one of my favorite shops.
Trevor's cousin owns a great little shop called freeFALLEN. She has made so many cute things for Rocket Baby as well as all of his cousins and even some friends! We love everything we've gotten from her and highly recommend you check her out
Xoxo -
Jasmine
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
A For Adventure : Adventures In Parenting
A For Adventure was originally intended as a series to write about the outings Rocket Baby and I enjoy together. To be honest it's probably the only thing I have going for this blog that sets us apart. As Trevor and I enter into a new adventure in parenting, I thought that a parenting specific edition would be fun and hopefully inspiring to other parents.
On December 2nd, our darling Rocket turned 2. I knew when I was pregnant that there was something truly special about this boy of ours. Aside from the way he healed our hearts after a pregnancy loss, or the way his name came to be, I just knew there was something else.
Rocket Baby has always been spirited, sensitive, and particular in nature. So much so that I wrote out an extensive list of his behaviors to discuss with his Dr. I honestly believed he may have a high functioning form of Asperger's. After discussing my concerns his Dr very confidently told me he does not believe Rocket Baby has Asperger's, but he is highly sensitive. Well, duh! I knew that! I just didn't know this was something Dr's actually "diagnosed". I assumed a diagnosis would be Asperger's.
I'm so thankful that Trevor and I have chosen a path of peaceful parenting. We do not hit or spank, we take Rocket Baby's feelings into consideration and we've always tried to accommodate his sensitive spirit. Over the past 6 weeks, after suffering another pregnancy loss, Rocket Baby's behavior took a major turn. He was very, very aware of what was going on, although at not even 2 he certainly didn't understand. He has been hitting, spitting, throwing things, and not responding well to any forms of peaceful discipline we have tried. Yes some of this stuff can be chalked up to him being a toddler, but unless you have a highly sensitive child, it's a bit hard to understand.
We try our best to be patient, kind, and respectful. These are all things I want our son to know well. It's so hard to do when you're basically at your wits end trying to redirect negative behaviors. I belong to a Babywearing group with some seriously awesome mothers and I saw someone recommend The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron. After visiting amazon and taking the short quiz determining if your child is HS, I knew I needed this book. I knew I needed it even more when his Dr said he is definitely HS. So today we stopped at Barnes and Noble and picked up a copy. I'm so anxious to dive in and will be doing a book review and my first giveaway after completing this book.
In the meantime, if you believe you may have a HSC, I would encourage you to take the short quiz and educate yourself on the best ways to parent a HSC. I truly believe God gives us kids to grow us and shape is into better people. Rocket Baby has taught me so much patience and understanding. I would not be the person I am without him and above all else, I want to parent him the way he deserves. The way he needs me to parent.
One last thing. If your child is highly sensitive, you are not alone!
On December 2nd, our darling Rocket turned 2. I knew when I was pregnant that there was something truly special about this boy of ours. Aside from the way he healed our hearts after a pregnancy loss, or the way his name came to be, I just knew there was something else.
Rocket Baby has always been spirited, sensitive, and particular in nature. So much so that I wrote out an extensive list of his behaviors to discuss with his Dr. I honestly believed he may have a high functioning form of Asperger's. After discussing my concerns his Dr very confidently told me he does not believe Rocket Baby has Asperger's, but he is highly sensitive. Well, duh! I knew that! I just didn't know this was something Dr's actually "diagnosed". I assumed a diagnosis would be Asperger's.
I'm so thankful that Trevor and I have chosen a path of peaceful parenting. We do not hit or spank, we take Rocket Baby's feelings into consideration and we've always tried to accommodate his sensitive spirit. Over the past 6 weeks, after suffering another pregnancy loss, Rocket Baby's behavior took a major turn. He was very, very aware of what was going on, although at not even 2 he certainly didn't understand. He has been hitting, spitting, throwing things, and not responding well to any forms of peaceful discipline we have tried. Yes some of this stuff can be chalked up to him being a toddler, but unless you have a highly sensitive child, it's a bit hard to understand.
We try our best to be patient, kind, and respectful. These are all things I want our son to know well. It's so hard to do when you're basically at your wits end trying to redirect negative behaviors. I belong to a Babywearing group with some seriously awesome mothers and I saw someone recommend The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron. After visiting amazon and taking the short quiz determining if your child is HS, I knew I needed this book. I knew I needed it even more when his Dr said he is definitely HS. So today we stopped at Barnes and Noble and picked up a copy. I'm so anxious to dive in and will be doing a book review and my first giveaway after completing this book.
In the meantime, if you believe you may have a HSC, I would encourage you to take the short quiz and educate yourself on the best ways to parent a HSC. I truly believe God gives us kids to grow us and shape is into better people. Rocket Baby has taught me so much patience and understanding. I would not be the person I am without him and above all else, I want to parent him the way he deserves. The way he needs me to parent.
One last thing. If your child is highly sensitive, you are not alone!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Simplifying Gift Giving
So I'm sure most of you have hear the cute little rhyme that has been circulating for a few years. The basic premise is to simplify gift giving.
- Something you want
- Something you need
- Something to wear
- Something to read
I've decided to adapt this into our own family dynamic. I want Rocket Baby to grow up being appreciative of the things he has. I want him to be gracious and kind and generous. Teaching those qualities begins early and a perfect time to teach this is during the holidays.
I remember growing up and having the best Christmas mornings imaginable. Tons of presents, wrapping paper and bows and ribbons littering the living room, and a barrage of new games and toys to occupy us ll day long. And while those memories are fantastic and I treasure them, I also think they set my siblings and I up for disappointment as adults. Christmas isn't as epic as it was when we were kids. Now we have bills and families and practical expenses that don't make it easy to splurge and go all out.
I believe that this season is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, whom we believe to be our Lord and Saviour. There is so much focus on getting that the reasons for giving are lost in translation. I believe we give to reflect Christlikeness. To celebrate a birth of a Saviour. Giving shouldn't come with conditions, long lists, and frustration. Giving shouldn't be stressful. It shouldn't give you a headache. It should come from a pure heart and be received with gratitude and grace.
For me the idea of simplifying Christmas is to grow Rocket Baby to know and understand that we celebrate to honor Jesus. Our pastor mentioned two Sundays ago that we are blessed to be a blessing to others. This is especially true suing the holidays. I want things like volunteering and giving to others to be commonplace for Rocket Baby. I want him to look forward to helping out at the local shelter then to open a ridiculous amount of gifts he really doesn't need.
Want. Need. Wear. Read. Four things. The most important gift we can give him is a humble heart and a eagerness to do good things.
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